Space Buddha — Mental Hotline lyrics

Lyrics

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
-If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
-If you are Codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
-If you are Multiple Personality, pres 3 — 4 — 5 — 6
-If you are Paranoid, we know what you are, what you want. Stay on the line and
we’ll trace your call.
-If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mothership.
-If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
-If you are Depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press noone will
answer you.
-If you are Dyslexic, press 69 696 969
-If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep,
after the beep please wait for the beep.
-If you have a Short Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.
-And if you have No Self-Esteem, hang up all our operators are too busy to talk
to you.