Mike Birbiglia — Medium Man Song lyrics

Lyrics

I was never the guy that could hook up everybody in the dorm up with weed,
but I was the guy who knew the guy who knew that guy.
And I was never the guy that could make everybody a fake ID, but when that guy
got busted I was glad I wasn’t that guy.
I never made the tennis team or the soccer team, but I was solid in, boys vs.
girls.
I was never a big hit at parties, but I waited tables in a bar, where a lot of
cool people hang out.
It was like the movie «St.
Elmo’s Fire», and I was Emilio Estevez.
By the way I’m Emilio Estevez, Estevez.
I’m a medium man, yes the medium man that went to Lauderdale, and got me a tan,
with my grandparents on spring break.
In the summer, my grandma went wild.
Should I sign a petition of free to, or where the f*ck is that I forget.
I’m too busy being medium, ordering chicken fingers and eating them,
buying goldfish and feeding them, no way I was eating them.
I’m Emilio Estevez, I mean what happened to that guy.
If you are ever alone and you are feeling medium, just remember that at
Starbucks you’re «grande».